Louise Hay leads the way in guiding us all to becoming the person we want to be.

saying "be in the moment, be in the now" is very well and good,

but it is not a roadmap to how to do it. how to do it is still a mystery.

louise hay lays it out like apples, peaches and pears on a golden kitchen table flooded with golden light. she teaches, gently, how to think. how to forgive and how to heal.

these things are hard for most to comprehend. i was for me.

but louise shows the way. this is just one of many of her magical, accessible recordings.

don't judge, just listen. give it a chance. it works!

The Trouble with Starting Again

the photo here shows a huge ginger root for the juicer, 5 of 10 pounds of carrots, 1 of 2 bunches of spinach (good for juice or smoothy), cilantro, parsley, head of romaine ( i know people frown on ice-burg, but i like it mixed in with other greens- it's a good staple). on the spendy side is the low carb protein powder and almond milk. i find have a protein shake is a good way to keep me from conjuring up a good tasting- "interesting" breakfast. it's quick and easy, and can sometimes get me out of the kitchen before i start "creating" in there.

the trouble with starting again is the fear of failure. the fear of going thru all the hard work, suffering, schlogging, trying and hoping- only to get tried-out after six or seven days, weeks, or months. Exhausting yourself again, then eating wrong and stopping everything, and gaining back the weight and losing all the momentum one more time. it's a trap.

so how about i don't do that again. how about i don't "try so hard", but i try just a little. if i just shop smarter, fill it with veg and expensive stuff that's good for me instead of cheap stuff that's not.

the other thing i have to remember is that "this is me". i have always been a little heavy, and will always be a little heavy. so this isn't a blog about, "look at me struggle and strive to be something i am not", it's a blog about taking responsibility for my own health. being mindful of who i am and what i can do to enjoy the best parts of life.

Is setting goals, setting yourself up for failure?

Just when i began questioning the whole process of setting and being side-tracked by goals i came across this blog post by Dr Mark Hyman.

Eat better, exercise more, learn more, love more, love better, be a better son, father, friend, be a better doctor, reach more people, heal the planet, end obesity, starvation, and global warming – ARRRRRGGHHHHHHH!!
It’s enough to make me want to stay in bed and watch movies on iTunes. How can I do all of this? How can I wake up and figure out what do to first, second, or third? How can I achieve even one of these things?  I actually fail all the time.  There is absolutely no way I can achieve my goals.
Our culture is awash with endless pressure to do more, do better, be skinnier, be richer, be happier, be fitter, and be healthier.  We are offered endless lists of what do to, how to achieve more, reach our dreams, lose weight, attain the five steps to immortality, find the seven ways to stop wrinkles, or how to lose 100 pounds in ten days.
We go for these promises because we have this innate yearning to grow, to evolve, to improve, and to be better.
I am in the change business, the transformation business.  I want people to feel better, live well, be happy, be awake, be alive, and to be healthy.  I have to set goals for myself, and I help others to set goals for themselves.
Unfortunately, this leads to inevitable disappointment because we can never reach our goals.  And once we do reach some desired result there will be another goal that will grab our attention.  It is hard to do, but I have found that if you give up your goals magic happens. (go to the blog post here)

connecting the dots: feeling the passion

now after losing 17 pounds of fat and gaining 5 pounds of muscle, i have a confession to make: I AM FEELING THE PASSION.  yes, i can feel the passion returning into my life, after just 8 weeks. i am surprised to find that my energy levels have already improved, i have a little bounce in my step and i sometimes even feel like dancing! i attribute this pre-mature development of a "zeal for living" to a nutritionally balanced diet which excludes white flour, white rice and processed foods, includes regular exercise (including zumba, yoga, walking and biking) and the dismantling of several bad habits (including morning coffee, and happy hours specials).  as i am adjusting to a new, healthier way of living, i am discovering that the learning process itself has also acted as a propellant toward happiness. discovering new things helps keep one feeling young. and there's so much to learn, and get excited about, when you love food as much as i do. in addition to learning, the the act of breaking old habits has a power all its own. knowing that you have the power to control your life through what you think and what you eat can have a very positive effect on overall mood. (not to mention clearing the carb-fog from your brain)

when i first started this project on december 1, 2012 all i knew was that something had to change. that i needed to reclaim my life...and now just 8 weeks later i can feel that change! (i hope you can too!) 

full stop. full start.

well. here i am again. not feeling so alone now, knowing that i have at least one faithful follower named calamity jane. thanks for the note CJ!

after so many weeks of working so hard to eat right, exercise and lose weight i took a 24 hour break for it all and gained 5 pounds back. that's 8 weeks to lose 10 pounds and one day to gain half of it back again. i was dismayed.
disillusioned. i gave up.

then the next morning, i went for my walk and made some fresh lentil soup with red peppers and turmeric and started a new batch of sprouts. today i weighed myself and that 5 pounds is gone again. i'm back on track.

but things are different now. now that i have some new healthy habits in place like walking and sprouting and eating mostly stuff without labels, i am going to focus less on food and start working on my mind and spirit too. the idea from the start has always been about balance, not just weight loss. i have to remind myself of these things. so less focus on loss and more focus on the now.

is anybody out there?

this is a lonely quest.

happiness

i have spent a great deal of time focusing on food and nutrition on this blog so far, and that is a good start. but as the intention of 50 POUNDS TO PASSION is to release the stuff of weight that holds us back to embrace the stuff which is the now. by eating right and staying in motion i will lose unwanted pounds, and that is good and natural. and as this process unfolds i need to also focus on my mind + spirit. keeping in balance is the way i choose to be.

motivation follows action

Motivation follows action. When you're sitting on the couch feeling completely unmotivated, force yourself to get up, get into your workout clothes and out the door. Once you start moving the motivation will kick in!  dont give up.

slowing down, on the right path

"droodles" takes a hike with me, lake cuyamaca

my friend droodles and i took a drive into the countryside the other day. along the way he explained that he had nearly choked to death on some carrots and celery on new year's eve. i ventured that he may have been eating to fast, and that perhaps the take-away message was to "simply slow down". about half way to our destination, we stopped to take a little walk. the hike was a pretty one, but made even more magical when we came upon a stone labyrinth in the middle of nowhere. it was a gift. we made a vow of silence as we mindfully followed the maze-like path into the center. when we arrived at the middle of the maze, droodles took a deep breath and said, "wow! it felt so nice to take my time getting to where i was going!". i agreed and added, "it's a gift to see and know where you want to be, but purposefully taking the long way around to get there". i think this is true of many things in life, but especially this nutritional path i am on. it is a slow path to learn about what to eat and how to eat. and though my progress is slow, knowing where i am going makes all the difference.

trust the process

at this stage of the game i have decided to just "trust the process".
i have cut out alcohol, white flour, white rice, white pasta (all pasta).
i am drinking more water and green tea than ever. i take a 2.2 mile walk 4 to 5 times a week, and sometimes much longer. i have cut coffee consumption down to one or two cups per week, so the coffee "habit" has been broken. and i drink a healthy green smoothie every morning. i feel 10 times better already, but have to trust that staying on this path will, at some point, result in weight loss as well. the good news is that i am finding support in my friends online and keeping this public journal is also helping me stay focused. thanks to all who are out there walking this path with me!

re-focusing

after 30 days of my new diet/exercise regime, i decided it was time to check in on my weight. i prepared myself for the possibility of lack luster results. when i step on the scale, i was horrified to discover that all of my efforts were decidedly unimpressive. i hadn't gained weight, thank god! but the results were dismal at best. the last time i went on a diet, it was at this point that i threw in the towel and chalked up my efforts to hopeless! after a short-lived binge on roasted lamb, boiled potatoes (with gravy) wilted spinach, two bowls of egg-nog ice cream and two bowls of popcorn (with butter)... i came to my senses.
today i went to the whole foods store to begin the re-boot of my diet.  i purchased the itemes your see above: lemons, limes, apples, red cabbage, broccoli, cilantro, carrots and spinach. time for less cooking, more whole foods, less peanut butter on my apples when i snack, and fewer snacks!  when i came home i got my "shop and chop" on by making a big red cabbage salad, with green onion, cilantro, carrot, lemon & lime juice and a table spoon of organic honey. this is where the rubber meets the pavement. got to get some traction here. have to read more labels, and track what i eat more closely. the good news is, i feel ten times better than where i was a month ago! my walks are faster and farther. and i swear i am down one belt loop. guess i need to be grateful that i didn't GAIN weight over the holidays. the beat goes on.

the beginning is near

after 20 days of the new diet, one might hope for some amazing results. and after all the new adjustments and the hard work of establishing new habits anything less than WOW! may seem like a let down, and grounds for abandonment. it's important to manage expectations for stepping on the scale at this point. try to be realistic about what to expect, before stepping on the scale. know that every pound lost is a real achievement. remember that these are still the first steps of a long and glorious walk towards good health. also, remember that we have to get "here" before we can get "there". in 20 more days of being smart about what we eat and do we'll have even more to be proud of and be a little closer to where we envision to be. (and in some ways we are already there) 
the good news: the beginning is near! the beginning of really seeing and feeling the difference.